Dr Sibu Qhogwana

Grief is an emotional and behavioural response experienced because of loss. We have always talked about grief and we need to continue the conversations, especially in the context of many different losses experienced as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic.    1. Normalcy of grief    Grief is a normal response to an experience of any kind of loss. A response does not always imply a presence of emotions, as numbness is also a response for some people.    2. Universal yet a unique experience   The experience of grief has some universal elements; however, it can be expressed in many unique ways. It is therefore important that people are allowed to express their grief in ways that are unique and helpful for their journey. Although grief can be a collective experience, it can also be a unique experience because of many factors. In case of loss of a loved one through death, the unique factors are the nature of the relationship with the deceased, ...

* Parents have been warned and advised against choosing careers for their children. While this comes from a good place of “wanting the best for their children”, this often creates unnecessary stress and tension between parents and children.  * The child often bears most of the stress as they can be torn between choosing their preferred career and avoiding disappointing their parents.  * Parents often get stuck in expecting their children to follow the mainstream or traditional route of establishing a career. This often involves schooling, university or college and finding employment. The challenge with this expectation is that parents often risk overlooking the child’s strengths, passion and gifts that may form a basis of a good foundation for their future career.  * Nowadays parents also sit with the challenge of not only allowing children to chose their careers, but also allowing them to choose from a very diverse and sometimes unconventional range of careers that are c...

Originally coined by Winnicot (1951) the use of a transitional object was observed in childhood development where children would often use a soft blanket or a toy as an object of self-comfort when in distress.  It is also a term and practice that is relevant as we navigate challenging life seasons. A transitional object symbolizes psychological comfort and strength during challenging and transitional periods in one’s  life. It is an object that is associated with positivity, courage and often triggers a sense of hope and mastery within us.  Examples of transitional objects are diverse and can include pictures, places, special books etc. It could also be special items that you bought for yourself that remind you of moments of serenity and peace in your life.  Discover and use your transitional object through asking yourself these questions: 1. Do you have a childhood item that you have kept that symbolizes psychological comfort and strength? 2. Any special gifts that ...

When you are aware of how stress affects your thoughts, emotions and behaviors then you are better positioned to manage it. Stress management is also a journey where you learn to manage your life through self-training. In the process be patient with yourself. Below are a few points to consider as you learn to manage your stress: 1. Thought management: We are all wired to think, therefore thinking is a very normal and an important process in our brains. However a challenge happens when we overthink, over-interpret, generalize and personalize situations. This tendency can negatively affect our emotions and behaviors and it can increase our stress levels. Therefore learning to discern and manage our thoughts is important in stress management.  Overthinking can be resolved by distracting yourself through engaging in healthy behaviors i.e. writing down your thoughts for a few minutes and closing the diary and engaging in something else, with plans to go back to the diary and writing at ...

Stress is your system’s (mind, body and behavioral) response to demands placed on it. Awareness of how your system responds to challenging situations is important for better stress management. It is also important to note that we respond differently to demands placed on us, so stress is a natural and sometimes a learned response at what life throws at us.  1. Mind response We respond with thoughts, interpretations and emotions to stress. Sometimes the mind goes blank and almost blocked in stressful situations, with an experience of  numbness resulting in indecision and inability to think clearly. Some people become irritable, sad and frustrated when faced with stressful situations.  2. Body response Your body can also indicate when your stress levels are high. You may experience headaches, tiredness, dry skin or pimple breakouts. Worsening of existing physical illnesses can sometimes be linked to increased stress levels.  3. Behavioral response  Your behavior so...

Hope is a sense and an experience of courage in the midst of challenges. It is a sense that things can and will get better with time. Hope can influence one’s motivation and  experience of more positive emotions and behavior. It is also a product of our thoughts, relationships and current behaviors. Here are a few tips on how to cultivate your sense of hope in challenging times: 1. Examine and challenge your thoughts What kind of thoughts occupy your mind lately? Are they inspirational, positive and encouraging thoughts? If not, immense your mind in inspirational messages everyday. Be deliberate about this. Spend 10 minutes everyday reading,watching and listening to inspirational content. After this write a short quote to yourself i.e. “I am awesome 👏🏾“. 2. Strive to be in contact with people who inspire hope Reach out to people that are positive and encouraging. You can also start a small social media group with one or two people where your goal is to inspire and encourage each ...

Supporting a person who has lost their loved one through death can be a challenge.  It is a journey that can present the supporter with feelings of helplessness (which is amplified during the pandemic as we can’t always be physically there to offer support) and a temptation to rescue the person who is grieving.  The risks involved in the process of supporting a grieving person are invalidating and misunderstanding them, with the potential of causing more emotional harm.  Supporting a bereaved person is a journey and a process that needs to be handled with care and sensitivity. Here are a few tips on how you can support a person as they navigate their grief: 1. Reach out Reaching out through a phone or video call and a message is one way you can offer support during this time. Sometimes you may not know what to say. What may be important is to let them know that you are thinking about  them and that you are willing to walk the journey with them. 2. Give them permissio...