On grief support during the COVID-19 pandemic

Supporting a person who has lost their loved one through death can be a challenge.

It is a journey that can present the supporter with feelings of helplessness (which is amplified during the pandemic as we can’t always be physically there to offer support) and a temptation to rescue the person who is grieving.

The risks involved in the process of supporting a grieving person are invalidating and misunderstanding them, with the potential of causing more emotional harm.

Supporting a bereaved person is a journey and a process that needs to be handled with care and sensitivity. Here are a few tips on how you can support a person as they navigate their grief:

1. Reach out

Reaching out through a phone or video call and a message is one way you can offer support during this time. Sometimes you may not know what to say. What may be important is to let them know that you are thinking about them and that you are willing to walk the journey with them.

2. Give them permission to be

Allow people to walk the journey in ways that are unique to them. Let them express and experience their emotions without fear of judgment or limitations.

3.Listen and learn to stay with emotions

Listen more and resist the temptation to instantly talk and offer advice. Recognize, validate and stay with the expressed emotions. Learn to also allow space for silences as you sit in the presence of emotions.

4. Encourage expression of emotions

Offer your willingness to listen and to walk the journey with them. Ask how they are feeling and again be prepared for any response as they might not be willing to share their emotions. Be understanding and convey your understanding and willingness to listen when they are ready.

5. Be willing to understand

Grief sometimes comes with a wave of mixed emotions and lack of emotions. People experience anger, guilt, sadness, numbness, anxiety and confusion during their grief. Some people deal with grief through withdrawing and they can come across as insensitive to well meaning people who are offering support. It is therefore important to convey your understanding of their reactions. Offer to be there for them through the varied and sometimes confusing times in their journey.

6. Encourage professional support

While grief is an expected response to loss and a response that can also be managed well with support from loved ones, the importance of encouraging professional counseling in the journey can be useful in dealing with the grief. This may even be more crucial during the COVID-19 pandemic as the support from loved ones may be limited. The grief may also be made challenging by multiple losses and other stressors that come with the pandemic (i.e. job losses, increased workload and multiple roles).

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Dr Sibu Qhogwana

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