Dr Sibu Qhogwana

* Parents have been warned and advised against choosing careers for their children. While this comes from a good place of “wanting the best for their children”, this often creates unnecessary stress and tension between parents and children.  * The child often bears most of the stress as they can be torn between choosing their preferred career and avoiding disappointing their parents.  * Parents often get stuck in expecting their children to follow the mainstream or traditional route of establishing a career. This often involves schooling, university or college and finding employment. The challenge with this expectation is that parents often risk overlooking the child’s strengths, passion and gifts that may form a basis of a good foundation for their future career.  * Nowadays parents also sit with the challenge of not only allowing children to chose their careers, but also allowing them to choose from a very diverse and sometimes unconventional range of careers that are c...

Originally coined by Winnicot (1951) the use of a transitional object was observed in childhood development where children would often use a soft blanket or a toy as an object of self-comfort when in distress.  It is also a term and practice that is relevant as we navigate challenging life seasons. A transitional object symbolizes psychological comfort and strength during challenging and transitional periods in one’s  life. It is an object that is associated with positivity, courage and often triggers a sense of hope and mastery within us.  Examples of transitional objects are diverse and can include pictures, places, special books etc. It could also be special items that you bought for yourself that remind you of moments of serenity and peace in your life.  Discover and use your transitional object through asking yourself these questions: 1. Do you have a childhood item that you have kept that symbolizes psychological comfort and strength? 2. Any special gifts that ...

When you are aware of how stress affects your thoughts, emotions and behaviors then you are better positioned to manage it. Stress management is also a journey where you learn to manage your life through self-training. In the process be patient with yourself. Below are a few points to consider as you learn to manage your stress: 1. Thought management: We are all wired to think, therefore thinking is a very normal and an important process in our brains. However a challenge happens when we overthink, over-interpret, generalize and personalize situations. This tendency can negatively affect our emotions and behaviors and it can increase our stress levels. Therefore learning to discern and manage our thoughts is important in stress management.  Overthinking can be resolved by distracting yourself through engaging in healthy behaviors i.e. writing down your thoughts for a few minutes and closing the diary and engaging in something else, with plans to go back to the diary and writing at ...

Stress is your system’s (mind, body and behavioral) response to demands placed on it. Awareness of how your system responds to challenging situations is important for better stress management. It is also important to note that we respond differently to demands placed on us, so stress is a natural and sometimes a learned response at what life throws at us.  1. Mind response We respond with thoughts, interpretations and emotions to stress. Sometimes the mind goes blank and almost blocked in stressful situations, with an experience of  numbness resulting in indecision and inability to think clearly. Some people become irritable, sad and frustrated when faced with stressful situations.  2. Body response Your body can also indicate when your stress levels are high. You may experience headaches, tiredness, dry skin or pimple breakouts. Worsening of existing physical illnesses can sometimes be linked to increased stress levels.  3. Behavioral response  Your behavior so...

Hope is a sense and an experience of courage in the midst of challenges. It is a sense that things can and will get better with time. Hope can influence one’s motivation and  experience of more positive emotions and behavior. It is also a product of our thoughts, relationships and current behaviors. Here are a few tips on how to cultivate your sense of hope in challenging times: 1. Examine and challenge your thoughts What kind of thoughts occupy your mind lately? Are they inspirational, positive and encouraging thoughts? If not, immense your mind in inspirational messages everyday. Be deliberate about this. Spend 10 minutes everyday reading,watching and listening to inspirational content. After this write a short quote to yourself i.e. “I am awesome 👏🏾“. 2. Strive to be in contact with people who inspire hope Reach out to people that are positive and encouraging. You can also start a small social media group with one or two people where your goal is to inspire and encourage each ...

Supporting a person who has lost their loved one through death can be a challenge.  It is a journey that can present the supporter with feelings of helplessness (which is amplified during the pandemic as we can’t always be physically there to offer support) and a temptation to rescue the person who is grieving.  The risks involved in the process of supporting a grieving person are invalidating and misunderstanding them, with the potential of causing more emotional harm.  Supporting a bereaved person is a journey and a process that needs to be handled with care and sensitivity. Here are a few tips on how you can support a person as they navigate their grief: 1. Reach out Reaching out through a phone or video call and a message is one way you can offer support during this time. Sometimes you may not know what to say. What may be important is to let them know that you are thinking about  them and that you are willing to walk the journey with them. 2. Give them permissio...

Our mental health as women is constantly challenged and under pressure, more so because of how society continues to view, respond and expect from us.  We continue to be treated as objects, second class citizens and unequal beings. As a result of this, being a woman feels like a constant struggle against a society that violates, devalues, undermines and silences us. This places a lot of strain on our mental health and makes us more prone to trauma, stress, anxiety and depression. It therefore crucial for us to prioritize our mental wellbeing, in the face of our continued daily struggle against a society that devalues us:  1. Express yourself  Learn to express your feelings in ways that are healthy and comfortable for you. Expression of feelings doesn’t always have to be verbal, you can write or paint depending on what works for you. Also strive to have a nonjudgmental confidant. 2. Have a selfish day This is where everything is by you, for you and about you. Spend time thi...

The lockdown period during COVID-19 came with an unexpected and unplanned working from home set-up for some of us. Although this transition was not a planned event, it is possible to manage it well, through implementing the following:   Structure It helps to keep a diary, set weekly and daily work goals that are aligned to your work responsibilities.   Time and boundaries Allocate time for work activities, breaks and knock off time and strive to keep to your allocated time. Separate time for home activities from work activities, avoid doing home chores during "work time" and vice versa. Time-off from work should be strictly adhered to.   Physical Space In your house have a corner or space on your table where you strive to create a work-like set-up that you work from. If you have an office strive to work from the office everyday.    Negotiating with family members Many of us share our spaces with family members who also work or study from ...

                      ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ ≛ A lot focus is often directed on encouraging effective and good leadership. However there is limited focus placed on people’s willingness to be led. Some would argue that people are willing to be led by someone who has good leadership skills. While this is true and while it is important for a leader to set the tone and lead by example, it is also important for those who are being led to also play their role in facilitating a manageable leadership journey for their leaders. Here are a few questions that may assist you in reflecting on your role and journey as someone who is being led:                        ≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛≛ Do you consider yourself as someone who is easy to lead? How do you deal with constructive criticism and feedback? Are you able to sit with it, metaboliz...

Why is self management important? Self management is important because it has an impact on our personal growth and reputation as it also influences how we are perceived. It is also a broad concept that is reflected in how we manage the different aspects of our lives for example Time, Finances, Relationships, Wellness, Careers, Spiritually etc. What sustains self management? 1. Constant and ongoing review of how you are doing in the different areas of your life.  I sometimes use a self-rating scale: For example let’s look at your financial management currently; on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being poor, 3 average and 5 being excellent. Where would you rate your financial management? 2. Understand the behaviors that are contributing to your current self-rating.  If for example you rated yourself as 2 (close to poor) Ask why? It could be there is no budget in place or even if there is a budget, maybe it is not adhered to.  3. Set goals to improve your ratings in the different ...

1. Expression is a gift we all have. We all have the ability or a gift to express our experiences. However we differ in the form of expression we choose. At the same time we also have the capacity to learn new and more ways of expression.  2. We are trainable  Our brain is one of the most important, powerful and trainable part of us. Therefore we can train and teach ourselves new ways of expressing our experiences, who we are and who we aspire to be.  3. Choose a way to represent your reality If you can’t verbalize it, draw it, sculpt it or paint it If you can’t sculpt or paint it, sing it If you can’t sing it, act it If you can’t act it, write it  If you can’t write it, sew it  4. Self representation can be healing for your soul Most people find healing in self representation  5. Decide what you want to do  You also have the authority to decide what to do with your self representation. You are allowed to keep it to yourself and share when you are read...

Some of us have already caught up with the “new wave" of working, socializing, learning and attending to our health and well-being virtually. This may present  different experiences and emotions for different people. These may range from excitement, anxiety, confusion and a sense of being overwhelmed for some.  While this may be an opportunity to discover or build on new ways of existing and becoming, at the same time it can take a toll on your mental health. Here are a few tips on how to take care of your mental wellbeing whilst navigating the space that we find ourselves in: 1. Always remember that there is more to you than your online engagement. As much as you may be spending a lot of time online, strive to create space and time to connect with some of your activities off-line. (That exercise routine, that hobby, the face to face engagement with family). All these activities off-line remind you that there is more to you than the online engagement or persona. 2. Be delibera...